The Most Important Question

Why?

As children, our naturally inquisitive nature prompted us to question everything.  Why do I have to go to bed?  Why do I have to eat my veggies?  Why does the moon come up at night?  Why do dogs have wet noses?

Now that I am a mother, I find myself falling into the trap of answering "Because I Said So."  However, "Because I Said So" is not a good enough answer when it comes to advocating for your child.

As parents, we expect that we should be able to trust the school to always do what is best for our children.  We put our faith in the fact that they are the "experts" and will always do what is "right" by our kids.  We all too often accept "Because I Said So" as the answer to our questions.

You are the only expert on your child.  

If you want something to happen and truly believe that it is possible and best for your child, but the school is not supporting your wishes, ask them WHY.  

If you are faced with a "policy" or standard that does not seem to make much sense, ask WHY it is in place.  

If you don't understand or accept "Because I Said So" as a viable excuse from your school (which you never should!!), ask them WHY they "SAID SO".

Asking WHY does not make you confrontational.  It helps you become an informed advocate for your child.

I was recently in an IEP with a family and was told that in a school of over 800 students, there were no children enrolled who needed services similar to those that the child for whom I was advocating needed. As a result, the family was being asked to place the child in a different school elsewhere in the district where his needs could be met.  I knew that there were other children zoned to my child's home school with similar disabilities and needs, and I wanted to know where all of these children were and what the school was doing about this conundrum.

What did I do?  I asked WHY.

Why are there no other children in this school who require similar services?  Why are there no accommodations in place to support the needs of this child and other children with similar needs?  Why does this child and other children with similar needs have to be unnecessarily restricted and sent outside of their home school because they have additional learning needs to achieve success in the general education curriculum?  

I was met with chair shifting, diverted eye contact, and pencil twirls.  

And the answer I was given told me everything I needed to know: The representatives from the school didn't know why.

After several more rounds of "The Why Game", we were able to secure placement in the child's home school, in the least restrictive environment,  with the supports needed to achieve success.  

While there are no guarantees that asking WHY will always achieve the desired outcome, using this simple three letter word is an important tool to freely use when advocating for your child.  

To be an effective advocate, you don't need to be a legal expert, have additional degrees, or complete extensive training.  The first step in being the BEST advocate for your child is to ask the most important question.  

WHY?

Until you clearly understand the answer and get beyond "Because I Said So", keep asking.  You will be well on your way to becoming the best advocate you can be.